“Seeking Balance”
Wendy Balconi
Collage
ALLEGATION
During his opening statement, the prosecutor calmly lists some of the ways she’s been abused. We’ve heard enough during voir dire to know that worse is still to come.
BAIL
He can’t afford it. He’s been locked up for over a year while awaiting trial. No GoFundMe organized by friends and family. No lien against property to raise the funds that would allow him to roam free.
CRIMINAL ABUSE OF AN ANIMAL
Four counts. It doesn’t mean what you probably think it means.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Question to potential jurors: Do you have any personal experience with domestic violence? I raise my hand and explain that I was a victim advocate with a local domestic violence shelter program. I’m sure I’ll be sent home without having to hear more of the story, but the district attorney wants me on his side and the defense attorney is green, probably distracted by all the things he has to do and follow right now. I’m one of the dozen chosen to hear the truth, the whole truth, and a few lies.
EVIDENCE
A wooden bench made with three rough boards cobbled together, one end slightly higher than the other. It’s unclear to me whether that is a design choice or just poor carpentry. The prosecutor points out that there is dog fur stuck to the boards.
FABRICATE
She testified at the preliminary hearing that he did these things to her. Now she says he didn’t, that she was angry and vengeful. She loves him and wants him to come home. She wants the charges dropped, but they aren’t hers to drop. She said and now she says something else. Both the defense and the prosecution are her adversaries. Is she now or was she then?
GUNS
Federal law prohibits the possession of a firearm by a person against whom an order of protection is issued. The presence of a gun in a domestic violence altercation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.* Some judges worry that taking an abuser’s guns from him will cause him to miss out on the fun of hunting season, and so this law may not be diligently enforced.
HOTLINE
Did she ever call the DV hotline when I answered? Her story is so similar to the others I’ve heard, I can’t be sure. He punched me in the face, but he was drunk or else he’d never have done it. He stabbed me with a screwdriver, but it was my fault for talking back to him. He held a gun to my head and said he was going to blow my brains out, but he’s really a wonderful husband and father.
IMAGES
The ones you don’t want in your mind. The ones that will never leave mine.
JUROR #7
A right jolly old elf with bad knees, a bum ticker, and personality to spare. When life gives him lemons, he makes hard lemonade. “My taste buds have no enemies.”
KIDNAPPING
Two counts, aggravated.
LAW
In this state, domestic assault is either a Class A misdemeanor or a Class B misdemeanor. Class B misdemeanors, such as reckless driving or indecent exposure, are punishable by up to six months in jail, fines of up to $500, or both. Class A misdemeanors are punishable by a maximum jail time of 11 months and 29 days, fines of up to $2,500, or both.
MYSTERY
The details I’m not giving you. Why she’s trying to protect him. How many others haven’t come forward. Why victims return to their abusers on average seven times before the relationship ends. Why she doesn’t leave. Why she is supposed to leave when he’s the criminal. Who you know that’s being abused.
NASTY
(/ˈnɑːsti/ /ˈnæsti ), adj. Disgustingly dirty; mean; indecent. The prosecutor reads from the transcript of her earlier testimony about what happened to her. “I’ll have to take a bath every night now. Saturdays just aren’t enough anymore.” ~ Juror #7
ORDER OF PROTECTION
There is no charge to file for an order of protection. Forms are available online. In order to be granted an order of protection, the victim must prove that there is “an immediate and present danger.” What is proof? Is the judge an avid hunter? Will a piece of paper stop a fist or a bat or a knife or a bullet? Will being served with an order of protection make the abuser angry? Angry enough to kill?
POWER AND CONTROL
There are disagreements in every relationship. There is violence in many crimes. Domestic violence is defined by the presence of power and control; that is, the abuser’s actions—coercion, threats, intimidation, emotional and verbal abuse, gaslighting, financial abuse, animal abuse, child abuse, denial, blaming the victim—are all intended to control and exert power over the victim. It is not a spat. It is not an anger management issue.
QUESTION
The prosecutor asks her about a child’s pink tutu. Was she made to wear it? She gives the same answer she’s used for most questions: That’s what I said before. He asks where the tutu came from. I don’t know.
RAPE
Four counts, aggravated.
STATISTICS*
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner. 72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female. A study of intimate partner homicides found that 20% of victims were not the intimate partners themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders.
TURNING POINT
I took calls on the DV hotline for eight years. My heart grew a tough outer shell. I did not kill the man who beat his six year old son because dinner wasn’t served on time (but I know where he lives and I know where to get a gun). I pretended to believe the woman who called the hotline claiming to be a victim, but I recognized her voice from a call two minutes before; I’d heard her in the background telling her son what to say when he tried to find out where we were hiding his girlfriend. I laughed out loud at the man who called to warn me that his crazy wife might try to contact us and tell us she was abused because “she lies about everything.” It was just one more call and one more retelling of the same old story, so I don’t know why I hung up on that woman just before the words bubbled up like poison in my mouth.
UNANIMOUS
The required vote by members of the jury in order to convict.
VERDICT
Eleven to one on the first poll.
WITNESS
She’s a skin-and-bone white woman, probably in her forties. Maybe older. Her eyes dart like those of a trapped animal searching for exit, but her chin juts in defiance. Size 1 jeans and bedazzled denim jacket swallow her childlike frame. She’s disabled, unemployed, and her only family is a sister who took her in for a week, but complained about how much she ate and wouldn’t let her sit on the furniture. After that she was homeless and lonely and frightened. If she withdraws her allegations, perhaps his family will let her stay in his house while he’s jailed. Perhaps he’ll be set free and things will go back to the way they were. The devil you know.
XEROX
Copy of affidavit entered into evidence, statement of responding officer, read thoroughly by only one person in this room. “He’s a convicted child rapist!” ~ Juror #7
YEAR
Mistrial. He’s been jailed for the past twelve months and will go back there for as long as it takes to set a new trial date. What happens after that….
ZERO
Satisfied participants in this case. The odds of an abuser changing. The number of people who think it can happen to them.
—
*Statistics are from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website
Deborah-Zenha Adams is an award-winning author of novels, short fiction, CNF, and poetry. She served as executive editor of Oconee Spirit Press for ten years, and is currently a reader for Boomerlit. You’re invited to visit her website to read more of her work. Online: Deborah-Adams.com